Dead People You Wish Twittered

Collection of National Media Museum

Each month, we pitch a new question to our staff and readers. If you have a question you’d like us to answer, email it to us. This month we asked: Who do you wish could tweet from the beyond?

Giles Turnbull

I’d follow dead Jim Henson on Twitter. Not only would he be able to answer all our questions about Muppet characters, Muppet gags, and Muppet manufacturing; he’d also be able to give us a uniquely Muppet-eye view of the afterlife. There would be Swedish Chef “BORK BORK BORK” moments almost daily, and they’d be justifiably retweeted by thousands.

Divad Q. Nead

Easy: Frank O’Hara. Call me self-indulgent. Call me, in the face of our country’s bloody fiscal/political battlegrounds, fanciful, but I want some genuine Frank O’Hara exclamations on my feed, at the top of my morning menu. I want “I am looking for a million dollar heart in a carton of frozen strawberries like the Swedes” to be emblazoned on my everyday. Nothing is better than the fresh kick of some good city verse for the empty coffee cups of our metropolitan underemployed. He was the originator of the form, dropping by the Olivetti shop at lunch, banging out killer lines and departing, leaving them for the floor attendant to ponder. He reveled in the Newsweek house organs, copping one with Bill Berkson called “F.Y.I.”, imitating the best of the momentary. Bring me my vignettes, we are too thirsty for Tweets.

Ian Ledbetter

I would love to hear what George Orwell thought of how we now live in idiot world. I think that he would be aghast at the complete lack of personal responsibility in our time.

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Maybe death preceded the technology. Maybe they would deliver profound statements in 140 characters. Maybe it’s David Foster Wallace. Our STAFF AND READERS tell who’d they follow into the afterlife.

TMN MERCH

A photograph of a group gathered at a seance, taken by William Hope in about 1920. The information accompanying the spirit album states that the table is levitating. In reality, the image of a ghostly arm has been superimposed over the table using a double exposure.

Collection of National Media Museum

Each month, we pitch a new question to our staff and readers. If you have a question you’d like us to answer, email it to us. This month we asked: Who do you wish could tweet from the beyond?

Giles Turnbull

I’d follow dead Jim Henson on Twitter. Not only would he be able to answer all our questions about Muppet characters, Muppet gags, and Muppet manufacturing; he’d also be able to give us a uniquely Muppet-eye view of the afterlife. There would be Swedish Chef “BORK BORK BORK” moments almost daily, and they’d be justifiably retweeted by thousands.

Divad Q. Nead

Easy: Frank O’Hara. Call me self-indulgent. Call me, in the face of our country’s bloody fiscal/political battlegrounds, fanciful, but I want some genuine Frank O’Hara exclamations on my feed, at the top of my morning menu. I want “I am looking for a million dollar heart in a carton of frozen strawberries like the Swedes” to be emblazoned on my everyday. Nothing is better than the fresh kick of some good city verse for the empty coffee cups of our metropolitan underemployed. He was the originator of the form, dropping by the Olivetti shop at lunch, banging out killer lines and departing, leaving them for the floor attendant to ponder. He reveled in the Newsweek house organs, copping one with Bill Berkson called “F.Y.I.”, imitating the best of the momentary. Bring me my vignettes, we are too thirsty for Tweets.

Ian Ledbetter

I would love to hear what George Orwell thought of how we now live in idiot world. I think that he would be aghast at the complete lack of personal responsibility in our time. Leer más “Dead People You Wish Twittered”

Can We Date?

Answer: Michael,

We have often wondered the very same thing, or very nearly the same thing. After doing a little research, we are surprised to find that, in about half of the U.S., it’s perfectly legal to marry a first cousin. (To which, gaaaaaahhh!) Apparently, according to this related article, a little over 10 percent of all marriages in the world are between second cousins or closer. Of course, your question does not concern the legality of your prospective union, but what society will say. Fact is, that’s why these kinds of things are regulated. Because society kinda has a responsibility to weigh in.

As we all know, society is both 1) the tie that binds and nourishes our common humanity; and 2) the bullies that made my prepubescent stature and my early aptitudes for all things academic take the long way around the back of the middle school between classes, just so “society” wouldn’t get any ideas in the halls and single me out for a beating. In other words, it’s rough, and aside from the act of cannibalism, no single reflex of the hive mind triggers such a deep-seated, troglodytic response as whom we choose to couple with. Which is funny, you know, because even with all of our proscriptions against incest and such, if you read your Bible you’ll notice that humans started with just one man and one woman, so clearly their children would have had to hook up to propagate our millennia-crossing, evolutionarily dominating species, right?


The Morning News

The Non-Expert

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. A reader wants to know if it’s OK to date a distant relative. ERIK BRYAN answers with the help of a flowchart by JENNIFER DANIEL.

Question: Dearest Non-Expert,

I recently reconnected with my brother’s wife’s cousin, who I originally met in college before my brother’s wedding. Back then, I was a directionless drunk with weight issues, and was not much of a catch. Now I’ve got all that sorted out, and we have great chemistry. However, my friends are divided on the matter. Many say it’s “weird,” while others tell me to go for it. To make matters worse, we live in Alabama. I’d rather not contribute to any negative stereotypes. Can I date this girl? I know it’s legally allowed, but is it socially acceptable?

Thank you,
Michael

Answer: Michael,

We have often wondered the very same thing, or very nearly the same thing. After doing a little research, we are surprised to find that, in about half of the U.S., it’s perfectly legal to marry a first cousin. (To which, gaaaaaahhh!) Apparently, according to this related article, a little over 10 percent of all marriages in the world are between second cousins or closer. Of course, your question does not concern the legality of your prospective union, but what society will say. Fact is, that’s why these kinds of things are regulated. Because society kinda has a responsibility to weigh in.

As we all know, society is both 1) the tie that binds and nourishes our common humanity; and 2) the bullies that made my prepubescent stature and my early aptitudes for all things academic take the long way around the back of the middle school between classes, just so “society” wouldn’t get any ideas in the halls and single me out for a beating. In other words, it’s rough, and aside from the act of cannibalism, no single reflex of the hive mind triggers such a deep-seated, troglodytic response as whom we choose to couple with. Which is funny, you know, because even with all of our proscriptions against incest and such, if you read your Bible you’ll notice that humans started with just one man and one woman, so clearly their children would have had to hook up to propagate our millennia-crossing, evolutionarily dominating species, right?

Can We Date by Erik Bryan and Jennifer Daniel of The Morning News, all rights reserved

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